I have decided to rate these phrases according to awesomeness.
Gold Medal:
Heather:
"Isn't life a slow poison?"
"No, bananas are."
Jake:
"It's a non sequiter except in context."
"This is the insane asylum. Where you buy crazy peoples."
Rose:
"I don't do hims, I only do Christmas carols."
"You were lucky, my partner used to be Mr. Dental Floss!"
"Don't try to be witty while drunk on turkey."
Sierra:
Doesn't have any Gold Medals this week.
Sahar:
"Can I wait for the king to dry, please?"
"I'm sure it's not normal for earplugs to shoot out of the phone line."
Silver Medal:
Heather:
"Mine was Mr. Toothpick Container!"
"What's Thanksgiving dinner without pickles?"
"Magical! It's a trick leaf!"
Jake:
"It's mashed mash."
"You people are robots! Insane robots!"
"All right, we're freaking me out."
Rose:
"My marshmallows are escaping!"
"It's not insane robot, it's talent."
"Obey the voices! Facepalm! Headdesk!"
"That's like singletasking!"
"Your hair is remarkably thick insulation."
"Stop breathing the carpet."
Sierra:
"My joker has got antlers, therefore he's cuckold."
"Well, I will say one. One."
"Don't go all Shakespeare on me."
Sahar:
"What are those things that are rolled?"
"Um...they are called rolls..."
"Take your king pile and go away."
"Measurement is not pop culture."
"It's like a twisted version of the macarena."
"You can not send trains through the telephone line. Earplugs were bad enough."
Bronze Medal:
Anani:
"Cranberry picking on a horse..."
Heather:
"I must get what I want now!"
"Ice cream. It's like cheese but sweet."
"Stop talking, just make the noise!"
Jake:
"Must not have been a real noise though..."
"What I'm seeing is that it's a fairly ordered wibbly wobbly mish mash of cards."
"Aah, my eyes! Well, my mental eyes!"
"Are you trying to summon a demon or something?"
"She's a phone dial noise addict."
"Into ze book!"
"It's a generic evil Russian accent."
Rose:
"My partner is Mr. Dummy Joker."
"I am cursed with weird queens."
"I deflected it off my cards."
"Don't eat warty squash."
"It's the 20 dollar bill. It has a lovely texture."
"I'm going to chew my own 20 dollar bill."
"More money? More yum!"
"Trains are collapse inducing."
Sierra:
"I'm thinking of a comeback...um..."
"And they are pretending to levitate..."
"She's a good pillow. She breathes."
Sahar:
"Just don't panic in general."
"Stringy dust."
"We only have two feet to worry about..."
"Headjake."
"Inhale, ducky! Her, not you."
"You are a sharp, pointy object."
"I don't think anyone has a genetic evil Russian accent."
Dirt Medal:
Heather:
"Poppet is the new ducky."
"Build the blacks now."
Jake:
"I am not a desk."
Rose:
Rose has no Dirt Medals.
Sierra:
"You is poking my kneeses."
"My toes have been captured."
Sahar:
"We look like a giant spider."
"I have a rug on my head."
If anyone wants to vote on a non-Gold Medaler, then just leave a comment.
-Jake
